This is to document my thoughts and other stuff to keep track of and I would prefer if this page, in particular, was not screenshotted, used in any Youtube video or saved on the Wayback Machine. Thank you for respecting my wishes.
warning for suicidal thoughts, mental illness or anything else just be careful reading.
Now, scroll down to read my digital entries...
* i came to the realization that maybe im agoraphobic i never really thought about it but i guess it would make sense? ive never really searched for answers about why im so scared of people or why i get overwhelming anxiety/panic attacks from just the thought of walking by people + i never really thought i was.. scared? of people i just thought it was social anxiety but the thought of someone hurting me again/more is really frightening.
* i do like talking to people but im so self concious of everything when im around people i make sure im not breathing to loud or to much? im scared theyll point out something about the way i look or how i obviously dont know what to do with my hands or possibly how i avoid + cant make eye contact with them. i havent had real life friends in 4? 5? or more years but ive never truly felt lonely until recently and the loneliness is overwhelming life is so boring and bland now, i dont know what went wrong with my life.. i feel my interests scare people off or i guess im to boring when im anxious and cant get a full sentence out without being scared ill sound stupid, sutter, whatever else could possibly happen.. i see groups of people hanging out and i can only wish to have something like that one day but how will i make friends if im so scared of people i get panic attacks? i dont know what to do but maybe writing about it will help or something
